"There is a force in the universe that makes things happen...and all you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking...let things happen...and Be the Ball."Ty Webb (Chevy Chase), Caddyshack
To the "Be the Ball" Golfer there are certain truths:
- Courses should be Par 72's.
- You should ALWAYS be able to hit driver from the tee of a Par 5.
- Any green fee of $75 or more should include a bag tag. $100 or more, it should be engraved with your name.
- You will always hit someone else's driver better than your own...until you buy it from him.
- The 25 footers that you made in the store before you bought that new putter are the last you will ever make.
- Cart paths are tilted toward the nearest OB post.
- The drink cart girl should always be cute.
- Beer and Bloody Mary's make for a better golf swing but increase 3-Jacks.
- Caddyshack is the all-time best golf movie and Ty Webb and Carl Spackler are Great American Heroes.
- The Downhill Speed Limiter on Golf Carts was designed by someone's wife.
- Guys who can only hit their drivers 200 yards suck...even if they beat you (anyone over 60 is exempt).
- Substitute "Guys who play with Top Flights or Pinnacles" to the above rule and it is still true.
- If one of the guys in your foursome cancels, you will always be paired with a single who talks, non-stop, for the entire round.
- When the above happens, your round will take a minimum of six hours.
- The newer the golf ball, the greater its desire to escape. You must beat the little thing into submission. Anyone who doubts this should check the pocket of his bag for the three year old, yellowish, egg shaped thing with multiple cart path scars.
- Vegas golf is way too expensive but we'll continue to play there anyway.
- Courses should reduce their rates every time they require "Cart Paths Only" or punch their greens.
- Trips to Pebble Beach, St. Andrews, or any other course that has ever hosted a major are perfectly acceptable destinations for a wedding anniversary.